Thoughts from The Author!
It is I, THAT girl… person?
It’s a fruity season, children! If they never told you now, know this today: THIS PAGE DOES NOT TOLERATE HOMOPHOBIA. THIS WRITER IS QUEER.
Happy pride! Song rec for the day is No One Knows by Asa.
It’s June! A little late, but a happy new month! Congratulations on making it thus far, halfway through version 2.22 of The Simulation. Halfway through!
Do you need a moment to process this? A hug?
It’s been a lot, I know. Take heart. The country is just in pain, and the world at large is not better off. This wallflower has always been sensitive you know, however wild and resilient she has become.
This post is a bit different from the usual. I can’t really call it an article. So let's just note it as a check-in.
I was very dramatic with my New Year’s eve opening article for the beginning of 202 — I mean v2.22 of T.Sims— where amongst other points, I put down a bunch of resolutions and talked about the power of being self-gracing. To grow and make mistakes and try and fail and try again. And I’ve been working to it — don’t ask me how just believe me lol — so it felt fitting to come here and just talk to the masses for a change after six months.
First things! Your girl is on the media of socials! cue the celebratory cheers
It’s been tough though. I constantly break my promise to just block irksome content, because I’m a very argumentative little shit, so that’s been a bust. But yes this writer has an official Twitter and Instagram page. You people should follow me, be reminding me to leave the plebians to pleb and focus on reading and writing.
I also tried to take up manifestation this year. The first quarter of it was certainly something, and at the peak of it, I religiously adhered to inking words of affirmation in my journal. Not much changed in terms of happenings, but it is very tiring and overstimulating when you can’t get yourself out of it. So therapy’s in the mud for now, as are healthy habits to preserve my physical body. I got mad inconsistent with words of affirmation after six weeks, as a result of being overstimulated into damn near inaction. But I’m trying, and I’m learning to give myself grace. Let's see what happens by the end of this second quarter.
A lot of creative projects I wanted to do this year feel very unexplored. Pretty sure I saw myself creating a lot more graphics. But as luck will have it, my computer has decided to tell me no more. Five years of 3D graphics and audio-visual editing has finally worn the ol’ gal down to glorified typewriting. At the rate I’m going, I’ll need two computer systems with the specifications to keep up with the heavy-duty work. But I’m broke so that is a bummer. Fingers crossed on that front for some change soon. As I said, don't ask how I’m working on it, but I am.
I definitely still struggle with taking control of my life. I’ll explore these feelings more in the coming articles and posts. But it's very frustrating and I escape into coffee and breakfast meals to escape it.
A lot of people close to me just want me to get up and fix things. They mean well I guess, but damn they’re actually mean about it. Like gee, I can fix myself? I didn’t know that! Golly jeepers, I’ll do it right now!
Because of that, I find myself comparing my case to others who “have it worse” but are literally thriving. That… that never fails to set back my progress mentally. I have to constantly remind myself that I am not in a competition. It isn't working, but I’ll keep doing it anyway.
But I have had more time to read and write and I’ve met kindred spirits that keep the fire alive by just existing. So that is actually pretty great.
Oh, more than six months have passed, so I may as well: your girl’s in love.
You can shoot me now.
No, but it's great because I really hate men and cannot tolerate them so I don’t know how I’m still enjoying this. But I am not even complaining.
The best part about this is that I can actually have my romantic feelings fuel my emotive writing directly. I’ve always struggled with letting the joy of a relationship permeate my writing. Or even the bad parts of it — though the bad parts only apply to the prior relationships. Writing with those emotions then always resulted in transformative work. You would never know matters of the heart drove me to the pen by reading the results.
I feel like the person I am now is ready to acknowledge that love is as love does, and I can’t control it or who it brings. Some people become anxious when they struggle with this, but I usually am the opposite. Avoidant, dismissive, and ultimately when the emotions are strong — anger. Anything but what I perceive to be a vulnerability.
It's different with this person though. Always has been. (It feels like a hate crime to love men as a queer woman during pride).
I started this year feeling grown and composed and ready to run this adulting thing. My weekends had hair care and skin routines, coffee and books, music — the whole shindig. But this simulation is rigged as hell and now I’m back in the ghetto. Nothing feels permanent to me and no plan has gone through so far. I’ll try and hack it still though.
On final notes, expect new types of written literature soon. I hope you’ll enjoy them! I’ll also be venturing into more themes. For example, I’ve always had opinions on love as a young adult, but I recognized that my opinions were constantly evolving and that I needed to live life a little more and get some perspective. I always want to be completely sure of what I write, but more still? I want my work to be timeless to me and something I can always stand by.
It's not just love, by the way. The classics here aren’t going anywhere, but I’m planning on sex, friendships, social dynamics in our culture and country… sha be ready to promote me everywhere oh! The hustle is real and I must secure the bag! Stay tuned and stay ready!
